Muscular Christianity

 BY JMSMITH

Muscular Christianity

“Only a week ago he made a young man wade up to the neck in a creek because he had his Sunday clothes on.” 

Fort Worth Daily Gazette (April 16, 1890)

It was a man by the name of Stevens who had such an enmity for the Christian religion that he made a lad submit to this second baptism, and thereby ruin his Sunday clothes.  Stevens was a tough who lived on Roans Prairie, some twenty miles east of here, and he seems to have divided his time between harassing Christians and standing trial for murder.  Since the six-shooter was, for Stevens, an indispensable accoutrement of the well-dressed man, we may suppose that the sorry young Christian waded into that creek at gunpoint.

One week after ensuring that this young man’s sins had been well and truly washed away, Stevens and an accomplice by the name of Macrae were slouching in the back of the Fairview church*, doing all they could think of to bring some viewpoint diversity to the Sunday evening prayer meeting.  When the Christians of Fairview talked about Jesus, “Stephens and Macrae . . . cause some disturbance by talking about whiskey.”

Finding the Christians of Fairview closeminded on the question of whisky, Stevens and Macrae withdrew from the  church, but then demonstrated their love of whiskey on the front steps, where they were joined two or three additional disciples of the Corn-Juice Cult.  In a short while, the men on the porch were possessed by the Ardent Spirit, and “Stevens went about fifty feet from the church and fired a pistol in the air.”  Deftly exhibiting the antiphony for which the Corn-Juice Cult is famous, “Macrae then fired his on the ground.”

It is said that no one can serve God and Mammon, and it is no less true that no one can serve God while someone else serves whiskey on the front steps of the church; so “an old member of the church came out to endeavor to restore order.”  For this assault on their religious liberty, Stevens and Macrae cursed the old coot as “a gray-headed son of a ——-” and threatened him with violence.

The disciples of the Prince of Peace thereupon adjourned their prayer meeting and gave the Corn-Juice Cult a lesson in the deeper meaning of Christian love.

Read The Whole Thing At THE ORTHOSPHERE.

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